Malvolio

Please allow me to introduce myself...

I go by many names. Most commonly I'm referred to as "Depression", but you can call me MALVOLIO.

I'm your constant companion. I'll never leave your side. No one else cares about you. No one will ever love you like I.

I'm all you'll ever have. No one else wants you around. Stay in bed with me, my love. In your feelings be drowned.

---

I came up with Malvolio while driving home one evening. I don't recall where I was coming from, work or dinner or my best friend's house. I just remember that I started thinking of my depression as a person, and his name was Malvolio.

The Original Malvolio

I knew that had to be an existing name, so when I got home I looked it up and found out that he's a character from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. “Not the Malvolio I meant, but close enough. Stiff, self-important, and definitely not invited.”

Malvolio formed himself very quickly, as if he wondered what had taken me so long to realize he was there. Always there. Reminding me that no one loved me. No one wanted me around. I annoyed everyone... Never letting up for a second.

The lines that first came about were:

Malvolio beckons

Malvolio calls

Malvolio punches

Malvolio palls

Malvolio is the one who tells the truth

Malvolio is a vicious liar

It was most important to express that Malvolio seems like he's the only one telling you how it really is, the only one being honest with you, but really he's just a liar who likes to cut you down to keep you close.

Malvolio is very slick. He's a master at manipulation and seduction. He'll spin your head if you're not careful. His theme song is absolutely Sympathy for the Devil, the remix with The Rolling Stones and The Neptunes.

---

Malvolio Returns

I was in a good mood. I was doing well. It had been a stretch of time since I'd felt like hell.

Oh, I got smug. Flew too close to the sun. Started showing off my good mood. Feeling good. Looking good. Kicking life's butt instead of the other way around for once. Everything was coming up Devon for a hot minute.

He didn't like that. He wasn't getting attention. That just wouldn't do.

Malvolio came to see me

He heard I was feeling well

Malvolio came to free me

From thinking for myself

Malvolio sits beside me

Malvolio likes to snuggle

Malvolio likes to hold me down

He loves to feel me struggle

Boy did he come back pissed, too. He hasn't left. I'm working on it the eviction notice but finding it difficult to enforce.

Dancing with the Devil

And so, don't be surprised when you see Malvolio again in Volume 2. Here's an excerpt from Malvolio's Waltz:

As a shadow falls

A dark shroud palls

Surrounded

Grounded

Beyond my walls

Past my defences

He doesn’t need a key

He’s had full access

Since 1983

Malvolio has come

Malvolio is here

Malvolio brings the darkness

To everyone near

“My love

My darling”

Malvolio wraps

Around my waist

He knows my weakness

For being embraced